Monday, September 3, 2012

sometimes like that...

the skies are blue, well that's what it's supposed to do, another bright day in heaven expected like another light day in the mind, but sorrow is quickly found the death of a friend a letter from an old lover, didn't we say all those things years ago facebook you are supposed to be my friend, yet all you do is remind me of a past i left behind, still, i hurl those memories with me morning night and day as i turn my day around...

don't let me forget at least give me a break i can't handle this grief day after night, a visit to the doctor she prescribes more medication i go home and swallow as the label says, hours later the children arrive home from school, i'm a blur but who is to say the doctor said it would be good for me, who isn't on medication smiles my husband as he looks at me that way and drops another blue instant passion tablet, Moses why did you let them away with it for so long...

the children are older and i ain't gettin any younger wrinkly too and just a little proud, i'm making plans for their wedding i cry cause i understand the mistake i made, did i say that as rosemary comes running in the invitations arrived and she's as bright as a lamb, she nestles beside me i warm to her touch love can be strange so can utter lust, we talk for a hour she asks what's wrong, i was thinking of you and the great day that i had all those years ago

i'm older now i can walk with an old cane stick but the staff in the old folks home are patient, rose and the children visit when they can old hubby is six feet under i don't remember when, back aches but i've a tablet for that my heart aches nothing i can do about that, five in the evening they call us to assembly the dining hall thing we all shuffle on it'll soon be time for the news, we clutch our nerves as we hear the news, Afghanistan iran the entire world is in a mess and they think a woman will sort it all out

i'm lying on my bed friends call around they are all a blur to me you see i am dying, they syringe with something i don't know what, my mind gets all messed up but my life has been used to that, she'll be gone soon i hear one of them say, when they see me lying prostate with nothing else to say, they assume you can't hear a thing i suppose i'm as good as dead cause i don't understand a thing, she's slipping she's slipping i hear another say they prop up my pillow as if i have something to say

flowers i've never been so overcome i just wish someone had sent me some when i was young, no but no they wait for the final excuse when your old and busted and nothing but a fading light, suddenly they all come around with deep frowns and teary eyes, wasn't she great to have achieved so much and she wasn't either that young, as if years mend hearts and tears never tire but we endure..

my final resting place it's all bright and friends i seem to have so many, St.Peter wears a big old smile like he was expecting me, i gush inside as they show me to my luxury suite next to the old popes and the good enough, from the balcony you'll see angels flying by and over there is the heart you longed for, he arrived here thirty years ago, he said he was on a late night mission to see the one he loved, what happened i ask unsure and not wanting to be a delight, just another road car accident he went straight off a cliff

together again after all this time bliss is a moment that never loses sleep, conversations you can have in your heart go one forever it's never too late, never too late to turn things around but you must believe or forever you will drown, or worse do you know what it's like to be a rusting car at the bottom of a lake, no light ever reaches you slugs become your friends you can't do anything about it
you just have to frown, and it goes on for ever and ever and no one ever is sometimes like that..

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