Tuesday, February 26, 2013

a piece of your heart...

A peace for your heart, a pierce of your heart, peace in your heart, and she wanted peace in her heart, no promises, she’d too many of those in her closet, the memories, some bad, he seemed different this time. First time they’d met in two years, she was listening to him go on, he was looking better, his teeth pure white, it looked like a new man before her. But inside she remembered the pain, said her goodbyes and walked away. She’s peace in her heart, and didn't need to be lead astray., didn't need it any other way. Memories, the scars and victorious, all she ever wanted to hear was truth, he just kept her as a servant cause that’s all she was, till they met this day. But it’s easy to under estimate the comfort of love, and the affect it has on other beings all around you. This is perhaps so simple, it’s almost too easy to understand, but it’s something we all can attest to, or at least we know someone whose been there so to speak. Young girl meets young boy, grow up, they break up, she goes to college on the east coast, he goes west, they mature, never see each other bar the odd funeral, end of story. Love between them grew gently, they were chaperoned by society, attitudes towards family values etc etc..nothing personal, just normal stuff. Her love matures, she’s not found the one, bingo, she hits the iceberg. Three years later, two careers, his busier, she gives up job to have baby, he goes away longer and longer working. Then the pressure mounts, bills, job insecurity, his internet porn addiction, her motherly ways, suddenly everything is out of sync. He meets someone online, starts his first affair. Wife busy with second child, intimacy is less and less, they go out together once every three months, and on birthdays. He promises her he’ll make a fortune online, no need to worry, he’s also on the cocaine now and has met some shady friends to go along with it, he’s also getting involved in all sorts of weird stuff online, every stuff involving children, he’s totally addicted, everything he sees is sexualized. She’s still a wife and mother, the children are three, the online company is doing well, bills are getting paid, but he’s always working, but it’s okay, cause the kids can afford their classes and have nice friends….he starts to fantasize about his daughters friends, begins buying online child pornography, company is doing really well, wife is now on the board of a charity, and feeling like she’s Imelda Marcus  oh the struggle was worth is she says, she even has new friends. Her husbands old friends keep her company. Being cool, she takes cocaine, the first time, husband by her side takes some too, they are suddenly bonded again, joined in love she thinks. So what is love, is it the beginning young girl, the young woman in love, the mother to be for the first time, or is it the woman who finds her love awake again, and this is just a snip, a bite. When love is allowed to flourish, it does amazing things. When it’s dimmed it causes addiction, cause rather than going through the pain of it, we turn our lives into sports, hobbies, drinking, reading, shopping, basically we find things to keep us busy rather than deal with emotions, as we seem to have little control over our emotions, they can be tinkered with is basically what is being said here, and if you can tinker with some else’s emotions you tinker with their life, and that’s why psychology is used to determine the voters mood, testing the water so to speak, and when bad people tinker with your emotions, providing the temptation you need, she can’t see you surfing the weird stuff, it’s only you you think, inside you begin to change. She watches him leave the house, briefcase in hand, sun was shining and the car was new, a baby cried in the room next door, she holds the child and listens as the car pulls away, child is quite, comfort is the cure, she places him down on the bed, she begins her medical cure. Three Valium for starters and two shots of vodka. Her head shudders, she shakes all over, hit her quickly, she falls back on the bed. Looks over at her wedding picture, taken all those years ago, the love she had in her heart that day, used up and gone away. ….we all have choices to make.

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